My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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