I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I CAN MOONWALK!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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