i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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