This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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