I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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