I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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