that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
