And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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