It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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