...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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