I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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