I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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