If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
