Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
