I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
