exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
