My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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