I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I stole a fireplace last night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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