OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
