proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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