I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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