your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
