She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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