if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
