wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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