the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
