I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
