Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
