He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
