She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
