just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
