Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
