I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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