You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
