I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
