My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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