I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
