My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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