I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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