Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
