i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
