I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
