cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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