It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
