I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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