dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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