How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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