If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
