Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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