nut hugger
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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