everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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