dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
