i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
