I think my vagina is haunted
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
