your room smells of hookers.
And success
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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