escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
