I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
