why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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