I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
