Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
