babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
