I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
