Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize