it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
