it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
