Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sorry about my life...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
