hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
