The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
