How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
