Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
