Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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