you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She bit a glass in half.
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I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
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He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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