So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
