I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
