i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
