I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
