I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
